Barack Obama has said that it is important for judges to show empathy.

Following his lead, the NFL has reviewed last year’s Super Bowl and they have come to the conclusion that the referees did not show the desired level of empathy for the underdog Arizona Cardinals.

The Steelers have had a historical advantage over the Cardinals since their franchise has won the Super Bowl on numerous occasions. In contrast, the Cardinals were never given an opportunity to play in the big game. This gave the Steelers an unfair advantage.

Football experts say that referees with empathy would have changed the final outcome of the game. An independent investigator has found that the referees selected for the Super Bowl had not experienced years of failure and therefore could not understand the difficulties faced by the Cardinals.

An anonymous source inside the Pittsburgh Steelers organization claims that one referee was seen staring at a Steelers cheerleader for an uncomfortable length of time, thus raising the possibility that his judgment might have been swayed by his lust for black and gold Spandex. Rumors of an affair have reportedly created tensions in the Referee locker room.

The bitter, religious people in Western Pennsylvania say that football is a game with rules. However, the football experts at Harvard University point out that many of those rules were written years ago. The vast majority of rules were put into place before African Americans were allowed to play in the NFL. It would be unfair for the rules to apply equally to all races and all teams. John Murtha, a Democrat from Western Pennsylvania, pointed out that many of his constituents are racists Steelers fans who are too stupid to understand rules.

An emergency meeting in Congress was convened over the weekend. A confused Henry Waxman wondered aloud why people expected him to know the rules of football. He claims to have never watched a football game and instead deferred to “football scientist”. Al Gore testified that the NFL rule book is a living, breathing document.  The committee concluded that football was indeed unfair to the disadvantaged teams with poor coaching and lower caliper players. They then adjourned until after the election in November.

On Sunday, the Obama Justice Department, the IRS and the EPA met with NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. On Monday, the NFL stripped the Steelers of their win. Using the precedent sent by the California Supreme Court in the Proposition 8 ruling, they announced that the Steelers may keep their Super Bowl rings. TARP funds will be used to purchase new solid gold rings adorned with 45 diamonds. The rings will be given to the Cardinal players, coaches, fans and undocumented workers in Arizona.

UPDATE: The Pittsburgh Steelers do not have Cheerleaders. Although the facts of the rumor concerning the lustful referee are not correct, the anonymous source insists that the claim is “false but accurate”.